Throughout life I've never been a particularly optimistic person in the sense that it has been a very hard endeavor when viewing and expieriencing this world, to get too terribly far from all the dark stains upon the heart of mankind. In every era of our history, in all the moments of our existence we have always managed to bring about the hatred, betrayal, abandonment and bloodshed which has marked and destroyed the lives of so very many of our fellow creatures. We have not only created evil and wrongdoing but have wallowed in that mire until emerging so covered in it that we're no longer dinstinguishable as human beings. Instead we appear as monsters. For as long as I can remember the I've been unable to step too far away from the remembrance of this sadness we've created. In the end it always gets to me, and it breaks my heart.
Don't think this makes me pessimistic though. Actually, in a way it makes me quite the opposite because the only reason all the bad gets to me so profoundly is on account of my great love of life. When you look at the world and say "I can't believe this is the way things are" is only because you know that it can be such a profoundly beautiful place. When night is all around, you lament because you've seen the joy of day and place your hope in it's return. What people don't understand is that in a way my negativity is really my hope in a world that can erase all the pain of mankind... a hope in happiness.
Sadly, this hope is one shattered on a daily basis. It leaves me with nights like tonight where everywhere I turn I see the world on fire. And it really is burning. From each of it's corners the flames spread in steady resolve. In every direction I turn there is something which leaves me in fear for those I love... not some half-hearted concern that somewhere there is some not so nice place or situation they should and can easily avoid but rather the dread that very soon the floodgates will open and they'll be at the mercy of the on-rush.
It is my greatest fear, the thought which tears my heart in pieces... that somehow the insantiy of the mob of mankind will bring them the pain and suffering which they desire to inflict upon the rest of us. So when confronted with this, as the flames fan higher into the night, as more hatred spills more blood, and as the monsters seek out my family and friends it gives me the resolve to not only hope in a better life for them but gives me the determination to give whatever of myself possible to ensure it.
In the darkest moments, when every dank, dark and evil thing I despise oppresses my soul and makes me sick to the pit of my stomache it also renews me that one undeniable grace which gives me strength... love.
The suffering is not pleasant, but it helps me to hope in a better tomarrow.
Don't think this makes me pessimistic though. Actually, in a way it makes me quite the opposite because the only reason all the bad gets to me so profoundly is on account of my great love of life. When you look at the world and say "I can't believe this is the way things are" is only because you know that it can be such a profoundly beautiful place. When night is all around, you lament because you've seen the joy of day and place your hope in it's return. What people don't understand is that in a way my negativity is really my hope in a world that can erase all the pain of mankind... a hope in happiness.
Sadly, this hope is one shattered on a daily basis. It leaves me with nights like tonight where everywhere I turn I see the world on fire. And it really is burning. From each of it's corners the flames spread in steady resolve. In every direction I turn there is something which leaves me in fear for those I love... not some half-hearted concern that somewhere there is some not so nice place or situation they should and can easily avoid but rather the dread that very soon the floodgates will open and they'll be at the mercy of the on-rush.
It is my greatest fear, the thought which tears my heart in pieces... that somehow the insantiy of the mob of mankind will bring them the pain and suffering which they desire to inflict upon the rest of us. So when confronted with this, as the flames fan higher into the night, as more hatred spills more blood, and as the monsters seek out my family and friends it gives me the resolve to not only hope in a better life for them but gives me the determination to give whatever of myself possible to ensure it.
In the darkest moments, when every dank, dark and evil thing I despise oppresses my soul and makes me sick to the pit of my stomache it also renews me that one undeniable grace which gives me strength... love.
The suffering is not pleasant, but it helps me to hope in a better tomarrow.
posted by Republidan at 12:57 AM
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